“Good women are for good men and good men are for good women. [Surah al-Nur 24:26]
Beginning with Prophet Muhammad’s pbuh hadith : Criteria of Spouse , he said:
“A woman is married for four reasons, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her piety. So you should marry the pious woman otherwise you will be losers ( your hands will be covered in dust. (Al-Bukhari)
The Prophet pbuh said: “If a man whose religion and moral conduct are pleasing to you proposes to you, then let him marry; otherwise there will be great mischief and corruption on earth. They [the Companions] asked: “What if he has something to be criticized about?” He said: “If a man whose religion and moral conduct are pleasing to you proposes to you, then let him marry (and he repeated this thrice). [At-Tirmithi]
Above hadith is applied for both man and woman. It’s very difficult to determine or judge other’s level of piety. But still one should take into consideration the basic religious beliefs and practice., should not expect that once they are married their partner will get changed and start following the religious practice. Actually, that is a chance one takes and not being sure about its possibilities (In very rare cases it may happen), in most of the case it never happens at all. Hence, our understanding, priorities contradicts. That becomes the cause of chaos and confusion affecting one’s family life which result in untold damages. The aim of life for each and every member of the family must be one; ‘To attain the pleasure of Allah by obeying His commands in all walks of life and to attain His Jannah. ” When this differs, members start to differ. As the idiom states, “Birds of a feather flock together.”
When families live aimlessly or with the wrong aims or short sighted goals, problems are sure to arise. Failing to program ourselves for the success in Akhirah contributes to our aimless life. Our aim must be guided by the verses provided in Quran and teachings of our Prophet Muhammad pbuh.
When Prophet pbuh married to Khadija RA, she was not only being beautiful, from a good family and rich but also had deen (Taqwa) was pious. She was the epitome of the complete woman.
The above Hadith is the standard for marriage. Allah has given freedom to choose the spouse what he/she likes or want.
Generally, we look for in a perfect partner with a Good character, who also should be Beautiful, Educated, Religious, Good Cook, shoukd have Good conduct, Responsive, attractive. How can it be possible? How can we expect everything in one person rather we should see basic criteria. We’ve all heard that low expectations keep disappointment at bay. So when it comes to marriage, don’t aim for high keep in mind that both are human beings and have flwas. One should not expect perfection on the part of the spouse because nobody’s perfect except Allah and His Messenger. Everybody has shortcomings.
Taqwa – the fear of Allah and love of Allah is the driving force to have a good relationship with each other for a happy and successful marriage.
Nowadays when people search for a partner, they search for all the desired qualities in one person only. And even if the person does not have one desired quality, they reject them. Such attitudes lead to so many complications. Love and compassionate is the key, sometimes we don’t like one thing but there are many other good qualities as stated in the Quran :
And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.(4 :19)
Both spouses should have the fear of Allah. They should remember that if they are unfair to their spouse, they will be judged on their behavior by Allah. They should try to resolve the problem amongst themselves, then within family members.
And those who pray, “Our Lord! Grant unto us spouse and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” (Quran : Surah Al-Furqan 25:74)